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In a Seniors Guide advice column dated October 26, 2026, R. Eric Thomas responds to a 75-year-old man who says he feels trapped in a codependent marriage of 45 years. Thomas recommends planning any change in the couple’s living arrangements with support, rather than treating leaving as a decision the husband must manage alone.
Seniors Guide published an advice column on October 26 in which columnist R. Eric Thomas responds to a 75-year-old man who says he is considering leaving a 45-year marriage marked by his wife’s mental illness and what counselors have called codependency. Thomas advises him to plan what a change would mean for both spouses and to seek professional support, rather than assuming he must handle the decision alone.
The reader, who signed his letter “Self-imprisoned,” said his wife had received various forms of treatment for about 30 years without success. He described her condition as treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder, but the column does not independently verify a diagnosis or provide clinical details. He said mental health professionals and close friends had told him the relationship was harming his mental health and advised him to leave.
The man said he had stayed because of his marriage vows and concern that his wife, who depends on him, would be devastated. He wrote that he felt compassion for her but no longer felt love or respect, and said he hoped to have a healthy relationship before he died. He also cited fear about leaving at age 75 and having no family to rely on, although he does have friends.
Thomas acknowledged that the situation involved suffering for both partners. He suggested the reader ask the professionals and friends advising him to leave to help work through practical questions, including where he would live and what he would do. Thomas also pointed to Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and recommended working with a marriage and family therapist experienced with codependent couples.
Planning Beyond the Decision to Leave
The column frames a long-term relationship decision as a practical and shared planning problem, not simply a choice between staying and leaving. For older adults facing caregiving strain, financial dependence, or limited family support, questions about housing, daily care, and emotional support can shape what options are realistic.
Thomas’s response also distinguishes concern for a spouse from taking sole responsibility for that spouse’s future. He says a different arrangement can be planned for both people, while cautioning that the husband should not have to determine the future alone. The advice is not a clinical assessment of either person or a finding that separation is the right outcome.
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A 45-Year Marriage Under Strain
The report is an advice-column exchange, not a news account of a confirmed separation or a new clinical development. The reader says he and his wife have been married for 45 years, that she has undergone treatment for roughly three decades, and that counselors have described them as codependent. Those statements come from the reader’s letter as reproduced in the column.
Thomas does not claim to know the couple’s full circumstances. Instead, he asks whether the people recommending that the man leave have helped him develop a concrete plan. His response centers on the distinction between deciding that a relationship is not working and arranging a safe, workable future for each spouse.
“I would like to have a healthy relationship before I die.”
— The reader, signing as “Self-imprisoned”
No Separation Plan Is Reported
The column does not say that the man has decided to leave, that the couple has separated, or that they have agreed to change their living arrangements. It also provides no details about their finances, housing, care needs, or access to services, all of which could affect their choices.
The wife’s condition is described by the reader, and the column does not include her account or a clinician’s assessment. It is not clear whether the couple has worked with a therapist together, whether their advisers have offered practical planning help, or what support network would be available to each spouse.
Practical Support Before Any Change
Thomas recommends that the reader consider working with a marriage and family therapist experienced in codependent relationships and use that support to examine possible arrangements. His response also encourages him to ask the people who have advised him to leave for help addressing concrete questions about housing and daily life.
No follow-up from the reader or further action by the couple is included in the report. The next steps, if any, remain theirs to determine with appropriate professional and personal support.
Key Questions
What did Eric Thomas advise the reader to do?
Thomas encouraged him to think through the practical consequences of any change, including where he would live, and to seek help from a marriage and family therapist familiar with codependent couples.
Has the reader decided to leave his wife?
The column does not report a decision or a separation. The reader said he was afraid to leave and was unsure how to proceed.
What does the column say about the wife’s mental health?
The reader described her as having treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder and said she had received treatment for about 30 years. Those details are his account; the column provides no independent clinical assessment.
Why does Thomas stress planning for both spouses?
He says changing a relationship arrangement involves more than leaving with a suitcase. Housing, care, and support for each person are among the practical questions the reader should work through.
Source: seniorsguide.com
